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Last Thanksgiving, Stacy and Spencer Delisle had a difficult time thinking of things for which to be thankful. Their son, Isaac, was born, and died, on Oct. 7, 2008. He survived for only 16 minutes outside the womb because of several congenital birth defects.

This year, though the Delisles still think about their son — reciting a prayer they wrote for him every night — they recognize they are grateful for many things.

When the Urbana couple organized a golf tournament in Isaac's name earlier this year "almost $7,000 was donated to Shady Grove Adventist Hospital to support other families who have lost an infant," Stacy Delisle said.

The Delisles were thankful that the short time they had with Isaac was made peaceful and comfortable by hospital staff. So they were happy to donate the tournament proceeds to perinatal loss services at the hospital, so that other parents may get the same kind of experience.

The couple also cherishes the fact that Stacy's current pregnancy is going well, and that their family, friends and church group have helped them get through the year since their son's death.

This kind of community support is something that other local families who have lost children are giving thanks for this Thanksgiving, as well.

Members of the Compassionate Friends bereavement group, which meets monthly in Frederick and is meant for the family members of deceased children, say they are thankful for each other, especially around the holidays.

"There's something about being in a room full of other parents who know exactly how you feel," said Jackie Ireland, the mother of a 20-year-old son who committed suicide last year. "It's made a huge difference being around people who can truly understand."

Sue Murphy, another group member and the mother of a 14-year-old daughter who died in a car crash in 1999, said that when she first joined the group she found solace in seeing that parents whose children hadn't died so recently were capable of laughing, socializing and doing things as simple as brushing their hair in the morning.

"These were all things I never thought I'd be capable of doing again," she said.

Joan Lerch of Mount Airy lost her husband to a heart attack in 2005 and her son, Erik, to cancer just five months later. She started working at Mount Airy Middle School a few years after that, a move that has kept her going despite her pain.

"If not for the teachers, the staff, the children, the community, I don't know where I would be," she said. Her best friends are the teachers she works with, she said, and she enjoys being around children and watching them grow up like her son Erik never could.

"You look at life a whole new way," she added, saying that she is much more laidback and doesn't "sweat the small stuff" anymore.

Spencer Delisle said he's also thankful for his new perspective on life. "... It really changes your priorities," he said.

Some group members got involved with preexisting organizations, or created their own in memory of their child, like the Delisles did with their golf tournament. The Murphys created the Jessica Lee Murphy Memorial Fund, which awards scholarships to college-bound Frederick County students. Scholarships are only granted to students who have a passion for athletics, as Jessie did, and who have a clear driving record, because Jessie's death was caused by negligent driving, Murphy said.

Louella Campbell, another Compassionate Friends member who lost three children shortly after their premature births, has donated baby clothes that were given to her during her pregnancies to needy families. She and her husband plan to eventually expand on what they are calling The Kaitlyn Grace Project, in honor of their deceased daughter.

As for getting through the holidays after the loss of a child, "you don't celebrate without them, you just celebrate with them in a different way," Campbell said.

She added that many parents in the group light a candle or have some kind of tradition that acknowledges their child. The Delisles said they plan on hanging a stocking for Isaac, and will probably send Christmas gifts to a little boy in a poverty-stricken country in his honor.

E-mail Courtney Pomeroy at cpomeroy@gazette.net.

Compassionate Friends' vigil in honor of deceased children is set for 6:30 p.m. Dec. 13 at the Calvary Assembly of God, 8234 Woodsboro Pike, Walkersville. For more information or to submit a child's name to be read at the ceremony, contact Lou Campbell at 405-413-4243 or lightacandlefrederick@yahoo.com.