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The Gazette recently asked Licensed Certified Social Worker Margie Van Dyk about the challenges and rewards inherent when adopting a child.

Van Dyk, a Union Bridge Resident, works at Catholic Charities in Baltimore. In addition to working in adoption for 17 years, she has also has adopted six children from India and Korea with her husband.

Q: What are some steps people should take when investigating whether adoption is right for them?

Van Dyk: "We do an informational meeting every month and we require that our parents take that or some type of community-based meeting. The reason we do that, we don't want you to choose the adoption your neighbors did; you need to hear all the options. It's important to know the long range challenges and aspects of adoption. Our informational meetings are two and a half hours long and jam packed. There's no charge, you just come and hear.

"Some people go to several agencies and a lot of people do their research on the Internet now. That's OK if you're looking at a reputable agency's Web site, but that doesn't make up for personal contact. People can talk to someone about their specific circumstance. The thing you don't want to do is read a book about how to adopt. By the time those are in print, they're out of date."

Q: You talk about long-term aspects of adopting — what do you mean by that?

Van Dyk: "While your child won't focus on his birth parents every day of his life, they might grieve about not knowing them or losing them. We, as adoptive parents, have to be comfortable with that process and feel comfortable know they had another set of parents.

"I will tell people that no more than 15 percent of your motivation should be altruism. You will be parenting this kid 24/7 the rest of your life. … You can't go into this trying to save the child. I say to them, ‘What if this is the kid that sets fire to the drapes or cuts the tail off the dog? Are you going to be as committed to this child?'

"Children we adopt are at twice the risk for learning disabilities. They are overrepresented in the mental health population. Statistically speaking, the child you adopt will be more different than you than the child you would have had at birth. Families aren't all cookie cutter. Maybe everyone in your family eats, sleeps, [and] plays football; you may adopt a kid who plays the flute. "

Q: What are the differences between international and domestic adoption?

Van Dyk: "International is more expensive than domestic. Domestic is on a sliding scale, can go anywhere from $10,000 to $22,000. In other countries it's from $29,000, up to Russia which is close to $40,000, but it includes things like transportation.

"Certain countries have certain restrictions about age, mental health, physical health and income, so we describe the different programs that are available. Many of the countries have stopped placing with singles.

"With foreign adoption, you are now an international family. We encourage people to embrace the culture that their child was from, and celebrate that with the child. The point is you want to have your child be proud of those roots. If you don't know all the pieces of your puzzle you're not going to be comfortable with yourself.

"People who adopt trans-racially and trans-culturally have additional challenges and responsibilities. It's what I call wearing adoption on your sleeve. My family looks very unusual walking around; people don't realize we go together."

Q: Anything else?

Van Dyk: "I say to people who are considering adoption — you don't know what's inside this kid. You can be scared to death of it, or you can say, ‘This is cool, I'm going to watch this child blossom.' You try to capitalize on the strength and shore up the weaknesses — that's what we do. You're your child's best advocate and that's a cool role."