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Three years ago, Beth and Harby Tran took a day trip to Cumberland that changed their lives. Having tried for many years to conceive a child, but only just beginning to discuss adoption, the Frederick couple was told by a family friend about a young expectant mother looking for a family to adopt her daughter. On the return trip home, after spending the day talking to the woman and learning that they would be the child's parents, Beth recalls feeling "hyped, excited, thrilled."

"I knew in my heart she was ours. I just felt in my heart this little girl was to be ours," Beth Tran, 40, said.

The following months involved a flurry of legal documents, phone calls, and trips back and forth, ending in several anxious days in the hospital, all of which seems to pale in comparison to the last chapter of the story.

"The minute I had her in my arms and took her out of the hospital, [the anxiety] was gone. She was mine," Beth Tran said.

"A gift of life when we could not have kids," Harby Tran, 38, added.

Dennis Hoffman is co-president of Adoptive Families and Friends, a group that provides support and educational services for adoptive families in Western Maryland. He is also the father of an adopted son from Russia. Hoffman comments that adoption appears to be "very common" in Frederick, citing that three out of 15 students in his son's second grade class are adopted.

"Adoption is much more common than when I was a child. Or at least that I was aware of," Hoffman said.

There are few statistics about the number of private adoptions that occur annually in the United States each year because there are no reporting requirements, but according to the Child Welfare League of America's National Data Analysis System, in 2005, there were nearly 74,000 adoptions in the United States either from other countries or the public child welfare system. Specifically, there has been a 180 percent increase in the number of international adoptions over the past 16 years, with more than 6,000 occurring in Maryland between 1998 and 2008.

Michelle Lovejoy is the director of community education for the Center for Adoption Support and Education (C.A.S.E.), a nonprofit organization in Burtonsville that provides pre- and post-counseling and educational services for families going through the adoption process. If a family is thinking about adoption, Lovejoy says there are many options.

"There is no one way to build your family from adoption. People need to really explore all of their adoption options," she said. "There are challenges and joys associated with all adoptions."

Hoffman says some of the things a family might want to keep in mind is that the adoption process can potentially take a long time, even a couple of years for international adoptions. He also says adoption may be expensive upfront, but adds that Maryland does have tax exemptions for adoption and there are programs to help with medical, travel, and education expenses.

Hoffman suggests turning to groups like Adoptive Families and Friends and C.A.S.E. for help, but adds that a main reason he is involved with his organization is so that "the children have other outlets with children who have the same experiences…because there will be a day when they might start questioning."

"There are pretty predictable times when kids become more inquisitive," said Madeleine Krebs, a licensed clinical social worker and the clinical coordinator at C.A.S.E. Although she stresses there are no hard and fast scenarios, she says, "By 5 or 6, they are asking about adoption. By 7, they begin to really realize not everyone is adopted. They start to have questions about why they were adopted." Krebs says feelings come along with these questions and all of that is "normal, normal, normal."

She says some children are very verbal but others are not, so it is important for parents to raise the subject often and from an early stage so that children know it is good to ask their own questions.

"[Parents] should start from the very beginning, get them familiar with the concept of adoption," Krebs said, noting there are many children's books and videos on the subject, as well as workshops at C.A.S.E. to prepare parents for the discussion. She says it is important to give the message over time about adoption.

"It's a lifetime journey. It's not a one-time event," she said.

When asked when to talk to a child about their story, Hoffman says, "Always." Every night at bedtime, he tells his son the story about the day they met, providing more details as his son has matured.

Beth Tran says she talks openly with her 3-year-old daughter about the fact that she was adopted and even made an adoption album of pictures and memories to share with her when she becomes interested.

Joyce Bouchard, of Frederick, adopted her daughter from Russia eight years ago.

"I think it is important they know how they became a part of the family," she said. "It's business as usual. We make it as matter of fact as possible."

But the Bouchards do throw in some fun, too. Each year, they celebrate Russia's Christmas in addition to the U.S.'s observance, as well as a ‘Gotcha Day,' marking the anniversary of when her daughter was officially adopted.

While answering an adoptive child's questions is one issue, answering outside questions is another.

Hoffman says that despite stressing to a child that adoption is "just another way a child becomes part of a family," sometimes "there are hurtful questions people ask." Preparing a child can be key.

"There are a lot of questions. You'd be amazed at the number of questions adopted children get," Lovejoy said, citing examples like, "Where's your real mother? Why don't you look like your brother? Don't you wish you knew your real parents?

"These are emotionally significant questions not meant to be negative but the emotional impact is great," she said.

To help, Lovejoy says C.A.S.E. offers a workshop (see Resource box) for school-age children to teach them to "manage the questions, comments, and curiosity their peers and others have about adoption." This is especially important for children as they become old enough to tell their own story.

"For the most part, it is [my daughter's] choice how much information she wants to share," Bouchard says.

And further advice for families considering adoption? Like Hoffman, Bouchard recommends a support group.

"I really love the adoptive community in Frederick. It's social, supportive, and is as much for parents as for the children," she said.

As for Tran, she says, "Go for it with your whole heart."

-Adoptive Families and Friends

www.adoptivefamiliesand

friends.org

-Center for Adoption Support

and Education www.adoptionsupport.org

-Child Welfare League

of America

www.cwla.org/programs/

adoption/default.htm

-Children's Bureau, Administration for

Children and Families

U.S. Department of Health and Human Services

www.acf.hhs.gov/

programs/cb/fri/

index.htm

-Adoptive Families

www.adoptivefamilies.com

-W.I.S.E. Up! Workshop

2-4 p.m. Sept. 12, at the Evangelical Lutheran Church, 35 E. Church St., Frederick

This program teaches adopted children how to manage the questions and comments of others. Presented by the staff of the Center for Adoption Support and Education and sponsored by Adoptive Families and Friends. For more information, contact Moira Weldon, 301-371-4903.