Transition can be difficult for kids
Melanie, 33, said she was "nervous" when she learned her husband was accepted into a PhD program in North Carolina and needed to move: "The last time we were moved by movers. This is the first time on our own, with kids."
Elise Abromson, a licensed psychologist in Frederick, says moving can have a big impact on children. Younger children may have a more difficult time than older children because they do not understand the reasons behind the change and only view it as a loss.
"There's just a sense things are not going to be the same," she said.
For children of any age, the impact depends on the distance of the move, she added. If a family is moving far away, and changing schools, "it's going to affect them a lot more.
Biljana Blank can attest to this. In the last three years, she and her family have moved two times. The first was from her native Heidelberg, Germany to Frederick. The next was from the neighborhood of Whittier to downtown Frederick. She says the second local move last fall was decidedly easier for everyone because she was able to talk more about the transition with their children, ages 6 and 3.
"I could show [my daughter] where she was going," Blank, 35, said. She was also able to highlight the positives, such as a bigger house with a yard.
"A local move does not completely uproot you," she said, adding that her children were able to keep their friends and activities, even though they changed schools.
Abromson says communication is key when a family moves, and that parents should "keep [children] aware of what is going on" as things unfold. She states that children are perceptive, so if parents do not openly talk to them, children might struggle more with the transition.
"Talking through the process gives them a sense of ownership," Abromson said. "Definitely keep communication open to find out how they are doing and where they are at."
It is healthy for parents to admit to their children about their own feelings of stress and nervousness since it will "make children feel less alone," she added.
Ubil said her daughter, who will soon turn 3, has seemed a bit more irritated and "not as happy-go-lucky" in recent weeks.
"She feels how we feel," Ubil said, noting that the stress of packing, preparing their home for renters, and buying a new house in another state is felt by them all. "We've been sick because everyone is more stressed out."
The Ubils have been preparing their children for the move by talking about the transition and reading them a book about moving. And they split up the to-do list: One packs while the other plays with the kids.
Abromson suggests to get children involved in the move by asking them to help pack, or for younger children, decorate moving boxes.
Abromson says older children can spend time making address or memory books with their friends' pictures and contact information. This lets them feel connected to friends and "gives them control over the situation."
Upon arrival at the new place Abromson suggests getting the home settled before pushing children to meet new friends. When the time comes for kids to venture out, a good idea is "to do so with siblings so they have someone they know."
Ubil's plan for when they get to their new home is to "lay low" for the summer before she commits to too many things.
"We need to be together as a family and get into a routine while we learn the area," she said.