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Raising an only child presents its own set of unique challenges. The Gazette asked Terri Cook-Fasano, a licensed clinical social worker and psychotherapist, questions on this topic and about common misconceptions of being and raising an only child.

Cook-Fasano works at Behavioral Health Partners of Frederick Inc., which provides comprehensive mental health services to children, adolescents and adults at two locations in Frederick. Behavioral Health Partners is a joint venture between Frederick Memorial Hospital and Sheppard Pratt. Cook-Fasano answered via e-mail.

What are some common misconceptions about only children?

Cook-Fasano: Frequently, the only child is automatically stigmatized. When asked to describe personality characteristics of an only child, many people will respond negatively, indicating the belief that only children must be spoiled brats. However, only children are also often seen as high-achieving, motivated and successful…

Because only children do not have guaranteed familial playmates in siblings, they learn to be children on their own and become conditioned to depend on themselves for thoughts and entertainment. Only children become more comfortable being alone and are typically more adept at keeping themselves occupied without direct adult intervention. Acting as the first and the last born in a family means that the only child takes on a multitude of roles and responsibilities unlike those of any other child.

Are only children more spoiled than children with siblings?

Cook-Fasano: Spoiled children occur as a function of parenting styles rather than based solely on birth order. Spoiled children are typically perceived as children that have been given everything they ever wanted by their parents, keep wanting more and do not appreciate what they have been given.

Spoiled children are a result of the failure of parents to enforce consistent, age-appropriate limits, parents shielding the child from normal everyday frustrations and the provision of excessive material gifts, even when the child has not behaved properly.

There is no evidence to suggest that an only child is any more or less spoiled than other children given consistent parenting.

What are the challenges and special considerations in raising an only child?

Cook-Fasano: Raising an only child does provide some direct challenges. Because of the lack of readily available playmates in the home, parents are required to make concerted efforts to provide various social opportunities that involve other children so that their child has a broader range of participation in cooperative play environments with others.

Ultimately, raising children — any number of children — is a daunting task and the specific challenges of parenting are directly related to the individual personality and needs of the child.

How does having their parents' undivided attention affect only children's development and later as adults?

Cook-Fasano: Only children, and first-borns, generally have been found to score slightly higher on measures of intelligence and motivation than younger siblings. As is the case for intelligence, achievement in only and first-born children appears to be slightly greater than for later-born children. These differences can be attributed to the higher level of expectations from parents, resulting in more mature behavior or performance.

At one time it was believed that only children did not have as many friendships or belong to as many organizations as did their peers with siblings. However, more recently, it is strongly believed that only children have a comparable number of close friends, assume leadership positions in clubs, and feel satisfied and happy with their social lives. They are also more prone to needing time by themselves and enjoying time alone than do their peers with siblings. In addition, only children frequently have higher self-esteem in comparison and tend to be "perfectionists" in their attitudes and expectations.

Only children do tend to develop more adult-like speech patterns earlier than younger siblings and they also relate more effectively with adults at an earlier age.

Is there a downside to being an only child? Are they "missing out" by not having brothers or sisters?

Cook-Fasano: As in anything, there are pros and cons. Typical arguments against being or having an only child usually are connected to the belief that they will be "all alone" after their parents are deceased. This loneliness certainly holds true if they are socially isolated and have not developed any close relationships with extended family members, or friends.

There is also the belief that only children "miss out" on special sibling relationships or never learn to share. Sibling relationships can be a special source of support and connection,but can also be a source of irritation, emotional pain and resentment.

Ultimately, a child's experience of being an only child or one of many is dependent upon the parenting style, the culture of support and encouragement and the dynamics of the family that exist to reinforce a child's individual sense of worth, value and self-esteem.