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A lot can happen to a family if one parent is incarcerated. For the parent or grandparent who is left behind to make a living, run a home and raise children, there can be constant struggles, financial problems, loneliness and depression.

The volunteers at Children of Incarcerated Parents Partnership in Frederick understand those struggles. That is why on Tuesday, they prepared a Valentine's Day treat for some of the families they work with in Frederick, in partnership with Church Women United of Frederick.

Four young mothers on Tuesday received free haircuts, styles and makeup application at the Frederick School of Cosmetology. With daycare provided by volunteers, the mothers were able to relax and get away from their daily worries at least for an hour or so.

"They don't have the money to pay for all this. And they don't have anybody to look after their children," said Daissy Dabila, who works with the four mothers through Healthy Families Frederick.

None of the four mothers had ever received a haircut at a salon before, so initially they approached their seats with a mix of excitement and apprehension. But once the stylists started trimming, shaping, blow-drying, tweezing and applying make-up, the looks of concern dissolved into smiles of appreciation.

"It's pretty," said one of the mothers, as she tossed her hair and examined her new look.

That was biggest reward for volunteers from Children of Incarcerated Parents Partnership, who organized the initiative and invited any local families to take advantage.

It was part of the group's ongoing efforts to partner with local agencies and provide help and support to the families and children of incarcerated parents. The group, which is financed entirely by donations and fundraisers, holds talks aimed to help families navigate the prison system and recently produced a DVD that deals with that subject. Volunteers also collect soft toys and gift bags for children, and last year, they were able to collect money to send three Frederick County children to a weeklong summer camp.

"The children are the innocent victims in all of this," said Shari Ostrow Scher, founder and president of the group.

Created about four years ago, Children of Incarcerated Parents partners with local churches and organizations such as Frederick County Habitat for Humanity, Healthy Families Frederick and the Frederick County Adult Detention Center. The group is applying for nonprofit status and its ultimate goal is to reach out to all the Frederick County families who may be struggling because a member has been incarcerated.

"For children this can be a very lonely journey," Scher said. "They continue to love their parents no matter what and they worry about them."

Scher knows that from personal experience. She was a teenager when her father was incarcerated. While circumstances are different for every family, there are always struggles, Scher said. In some families, both parents are incarcerated and grandparents struggle to take care of children. In other cases, moms must take care of children on their own.

"Usually, they are very hurt financially," Scher said. "But there is also anger, there is worry, there is depression."

And there is also social stigma, which makes it difficult for families to come forward and seek help, said Scher, who hopes that in the future more families will seek help through the group.

In Frederick County dozens of families could take advantage of these services, said Shirley White, an administrative specialist from the Frederick County Adult Detention Center, who works with the group.

The detention center has 300 to 350 inmates, many of whom have children and families. These families often come in for visits, and some bring children. A few years ago, White helped create a child-friendly book lending area and library at the detention center for child visitors.

White noticed that many of the children who came in for visits were taken aback by their surroundings. Because the center only allows non-contact visits, children can only see a parent though glass and they cannot touch or smell them.

"To children it can seem surreal," she said. "It's so sterile. There are a lot of things there that can make a child feel uncomfortable."

mraycheva@gazette.net